A JOKE

A maid wanted a salary raise, madam wanted three reasons why she wanted a raise.
Maid: I can cook better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me Madam: o.k second reason? Maid: I can iron better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me. Madam: O.k, and the third reason? Maid: I am also better in bed than you. This time madam was furious and was ready to break her head' Madam: Did my husband say that? Maid: No the garden boy told me I am better in bed than you are. Madam: Please lower your voice. I will double your pay instantly.

Etoo' in Cameroon squad despite retirement reports

Samuel Eto'o was named in Cameroon's 25-man squad for next month's World Cup playoff in Tunisia on Friday despite media reports saying he had retired from international football.

Cameroon's long-standing captain announced he was quitting for "family reasons" in the dressing room after they beat Libya earlier this month to clinch a playoff berth, 

He made no public announcement, however, and Cameroon coach Volke Finke shrugged it off, saying the 32-year-old Chelsea striker was the right man to lead the team in their bid to qualify for an African record seventh World Cup finals.

The striker has had a turmoil-filled career with the Indomitable Lions and made previous threats to quit the side. He played for Cameroon at the 1998, 2002 and 2010 World Cups.

Cameroon have named a strong squad for the first leg of the playoff at the Rades Stadium on the outskirts of Tunis on October 13.

Majambazi yavamia benki ya I & M na kupora kiasi kikubwa cha fedha

Majambazi ambayo idadi yao ilikuwa saba yalivamia benki ya I & M ya jijini Dar es salaam iliyokuwa mtaa wa Indira Ghandi eneo la Posta jijini Dar es Salaam  siku ya Jumamosi tarehe 28/9/2013  majira ya saa tatu na nusu asubuhi na kupora kiasi kikubwa cha fedha kinachofikia shilingi milioni mia moja na hamsini.  MMoja wa majambazi hao alikuwa amevalia sare za polisi. Kutokana na tukio hilo kamanda wa kanda maalum Suleiman Kova ameagiza kuwekwa kwa askari wenye silaha kwenye benki zote nchini.

Mothers & children drown in Lake Tanganyika on their trip from hospital

Thirteen mothers and eleven children drowned when a boat carrying them back from hospital for a vaccination capsized on Lake Tanganyika.  Initial investigations indicated the boat sank when it was hit by strong wind. It was not clear how many people were in the boat. 

Boy (16) gets stuck while having sex with a married woman

A 16-year-old boy from Bulawayo has learnt the hard way that married women are off limits after he got stuck into her after having sex.

The boy (name withheld) and his alleged 'girlfriend', 36-year-old Margaret Msipa, had been having an illicit affair for months. Msipa's husband who is said to be a haulage truck driver was tipped about the affair and decided to act.

The two lovebirds reportedly got stuck to each other on Saturday last week at the woman's Nketa 9 suburb house in Bulawayo.

"You know when you are young you are vulnerable to a lot of things. People suspect that the woman used her money to lure him into the affair. He is too young to be thinking of such things. She took advantage of him.," said the source.

Msipa is said to be a cross border trader. The two were caught after the woman phoned a neighbour telling her about the 'African magnetic' predicament. On receiving the distress call, the neighbour reportedly went to the house and found the two's organs 'under lock and key'. She is said to have made attempts to separate them but to no avail.

Mugabe tells US and Britain to remove their sanctions

President Robert Mugabe who has ruled Zimbabwe since independence from Britain in 1980 told US and Britain to remove their 'illegal' sanctions in a speech to the United Nations General Assembly.  He told them Zimbabwe is for Zimbabweans so are its resources.

Keketso Semoko

Keketso Semoko is a South African actress best known for her role as Ma Agnes Matabane in the SABC3 soapie Isidingo, since July 1998.

Recently diagnosed with diabetes, she has been working with global healthcare company Novo Nordisk as a Changing Diabetes Ambassador.

She is the youngest of nine children, with six brothers and two sisters. Her father died in an accident when she was 15 and her mother is a retired nurse.

Semoko matriculated from Lofentse Girls High School in Orlando East, Gauteng, then completed a BA Hons Degree in Dramatic Arts and Diploma in Cinematography at the University of the Witwatersrand.

She got her acting start in Maishe Maponya's stage production of the Lorraine Hansberry play A Raisin in the Sun.

Other theatre shows she has acted in include George Wolfe’s The Colored Museum; a workshop production entitled The Hottentot Venus in which she played the title role of the tragic Sartjie Baartman, the young Khoi girl who was exhibited throughout France as a freak; and Sezar, which played both South Africa’s Market Theatre and Britain’s Oxford Playhouse.

She has appeared in the television series Justice for All, Young Justice and the sitcom Going Up.

Films include the Canadian/South African co-production Dr Lucille Teasdale, the Leon Schuster movie Mr Bones (2001) and Gavin Hood’s A Reasonable Man (1999), Drum (2002) and Jason Xenopoulos’ An African Story.

She also played the role of Mooma Tuussee in the 2004 made-for-TV movie King Solomon's Mines, starring Patrick Swayze.

Keketso has been starring in the soapie Isidingo since July 1998, three months after the production premiered. She won the 2007 SAFTA award for best Actress in a TV Soap for her role as Ma Agnes Matabane.

Agnes is a gentle woman and very attractive but sometimes stubborn, she is kind and caring to those around her. She takes her responsibility seriously, is highly intelligent, ambitious and tenacious.

She is a well-respected member of the community with a strong moral character. In many ways she is still very traditional.

Agnes sees life as intrinsically difficult, but finds comfort in her strong faith. This stems from her childhood love for church, where she started singing in the choir.

As a child, life was physically hard – she had to walk great distances to fetch wood and water, daily. At age eight she lost her father, and the family suffered financially as a result.

Due to her family’s financial situation, her childhood education was limited to a few years of rural schooling. As an adult she attended night school, where she taught herself to read and write.

Agnes is a good friend. She struggles to embrace difference and mostly chooses friends who are like her. She has befriended the ladies in the choir and her sewing group, although sometimes, minor politics can cause some tension.

She is a long-suffering wife of a difficult man, Zeb.  The Rec is her primary business, along with the scaled-down mine kitchens. Her job at the council, plus her shares in Bokamosa provides her with a comfortable income. She has a secret savings account that Zeb doesn’t know about.

 In real life she has been diagnosed to have type 2 diabetes. When she found that 7 ago she cried for days.

A boy challenged the West gate mall terrorist

A  four-year-old British boy showed astonishing bravery by confronting the  gunman who  begged  for his forgiveness soon after his mother has been shot on the thigh during the Westgate mall terror incident,
Elliot Prior, from Windsor, Berkshire, told one of the terrorists that he was a 'very bad man' as he protected his mother, Amber, who had been shot in the leg, and six-year-old sister Amelie.
The attacker took pity on the family and bizarrely handed the children Mars bars before telling them: 'Please forgive me, we are not monsters.'
His mother (Amber, a film producer) told of how she was on the queue to buy milk when the terrorists struck, causing mayhem within the mall. In a bid to stay safe, she and her children hid under a cold meat counter in the Nakumatt supermarket for an hour-and-a-half, upon until the terrorists found them and shot her on the leg.One of the terrorists told Elliot that the Muslim faith ‘was not a bad one’.He also told him
to change his  religion to Islam and he wanted to know if he has forgiven him.

Nelson Mandela and Winnie Madikizela Mandela

Nelson Mandela and Winnie Madikizela Mandela on their wedding day.

Happiness is new Miss Tanzania

Happiness Enock Watimanya (19 years old ) was crowned Redd's Miss Tanzania 2013 at the Mlimani City Hall in Dar es Salaam on Saturday 21st of September, 2013.  Happiness who resides in Dodoma representing central zone was awarded a brand new Toyota IST car plus 8m cash prize.

Happiness, a bachelor's degree holder from the Strathclcle University in UK will present Tanzania in the Miss World Beauty Pageant 2014.

 

A businessman in Nigeria died after being forced to have sex by five of six wives. According to the Daily Mail, Uroko Onoja partied at a bar in Ugbugbu, Nigeria until the wee hours of the morning in July.
When he returned home, he decided to have sex with his youngest wife. However, his five other wives became jealous and barged into his master bedroom. The women were armed with knives and sticks and began attacking Onoja. They eventually forced Onoja to have sex with them as well.
He had sex with four of his wives in a row. But once the fifth wife approached to have sex with Onoja, he stopped breathing and eventually died. The five wives who forced Onoja to have sex ran into the woods.
Two of the women have been arrested and charged with murder and rape. Onoja was a prominent member of the Ugbugbu community.

King Mswati chooses new virgin bride as 15th wife

Swaziland's King Mswati III  has chosen 18-year-old beauty pageant contestant Sindiswa Dlamini for his 15th wife.Dlamini was selected at the annual Reed Dance, where thousands of Swazi maidens dance bare-breasted for the king’s pleasure.Dlamini was presented to the king and the Swazi people at a Reed Dance in the southern provincial capital, Nhlangano, on Saturday. The main Reed Dance, at which Mswati has chosen previous wives, was held in central Swaziland last month.

In recent years an additional Reed Dance has been held in the south to broaden the king’s choice from his young female subjects.

Dlamini was a finalist in the Swaziland Miss Cultural Heritage beauty pageant this year.

Nelson Mandela’s grandson, Mandla, attended the dance in traditional attire and brandished a fighting stick and cowhide shield when he reviewed a formation of maidens lined up for Mswati. 

Roman Catholic Priest injured in Zanzibar acid attack

A Roman Catholic priest was hospitalized on Friday after acid was thrown at him in Zanzibar, police said, a month after two British teenage girls were victims of a similar acid attack there.
The incident in the semi-autonomous, mainly Muslim islands of Tanzania follows warnings by President Jakaya Kikwete that religious tension threatens peace in the nation of 45 million people.
Zanzibar police spokesman Mohamed Mhina said Joseph Mwang’amba had been attacked on leaving an internet cafe in the Mlandege area. The priest has been admitted to a Zanzibar hospital for emergency treatment.
Two Christian leaders were killed in Zanzibar earlier this year in separate attacks and there have been arson attacks on churches.
A Zanzibar Muslim leader, Sheikh Fadhil Suleiman Soraga, was hospitalized with acid burns in a November incident.
A separatist group in Zanzibar, Uamsho (Awakening), has been blamed by some but authorities have not linked the group with the violence.
Uamsho wants the archipelago to end its 1964 union with mainland Tanzania, which is ruled as a secular state, and wants to introduce Islamic Sharia law in Zanzibar.
Police said no suspects had been arrested following the attack on Mwang’amba, who is of Tanzanian origin, and the motive was unclear.

Ugandan teachers go on strike to demand 20 percent pay rise

Ugandan school teachers went on strike on Monday after their demands for a 20 percent pay increase were rejected, underlining the strains the government faces after Western donors cut off direct budget support last year. The government has long promised to raise teachers’ salaries, among the lowest in the east African country’s state sector, but has struggled to meet spending commitments since the donors cut aid over corruption allegations.
In July, it emerged that tens of thousands of public workers including teachers and police officers had not received their pay for months.
Uganda’s 160,000 teachers are among the worst paid public workers in the east African country. Primary school teachers earn an average 250,000 shillings a month and their secondary school counterparts take home 450,000 shillings.
In the past, the government has been accused of using its security personnel to intimidate striking teachers into resuming work. The government denies the allegations.
Analysts say it is not only the aid cuts that have hurt Uganda’s spending plans. Embezzlement, the extravagance of government officials, and the rising cost of political patronage have exacerbated the budgetary strain, they said.
President Yoweri Museveni, who has faced sometimes violent protests against his rule, is accused by critics of failing to punish officials who steal public funds and presiding over a bloated bureaucracy which eats public funds.